I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
