Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
