I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
