are you still at the devil's house?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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