It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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