my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
