someone threw a dead crab at me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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