OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
