I hate your face
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
