apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
