someone threw a dead crab at me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
