He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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