Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
