I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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