I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
