I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
