Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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