Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
