I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
