My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and she was petting her beer can
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
