ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
