I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
