when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
