This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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