if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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