I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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