ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
