My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
