What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
