Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
