I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
