my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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