I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
