i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
