I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
