You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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