By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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