Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
