All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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