from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
