Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
