ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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