ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
