Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
