and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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