My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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