Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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