THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
