he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
