Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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