Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think people are normalizing furries
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
