the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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