My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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