i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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