ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
