doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
