well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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