Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
