I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
