she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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