If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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