matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
