Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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