If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
