Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
