you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
