We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
