pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
