So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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