How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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