Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
there is glitter all over my balls
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
